


The Tour

by lucydwrites



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M, Other, thorcid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-23 19:23:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17086259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucydwrites/pseuds/lucydwrites
Summary: "He loves cold showers and Shane loves the water boiling. When they kiss still fresh from the water their temperatures balance each other. Jamin loves old 80’s cartoons and has a collection of suspicious underwear. He is not a talker in the morning and quite moody when something at the design agency goes wrong. He is an excellent brother. He is always paying attention to what Shane says even when he is just whispering to himself. And Shane is always surprised by that because he used to people stop listening to him at some point."





	1. A Sorta Fairytale

A\N: The events on this fic happen during season 8 tour. The biggest inspiration for part I was this dress:

 

“I’m the worst boyfriend to ever exist”

Shane groaned as the piercing and throbbing pain hit his temper. The familiar aspects of a terrible hangover were kicking in. He took a sip of the water inside the mug, the little waves of the liquid making his head spin. His hips were leaning in the kitchen counter, and the water was reaching though his shirt but he didn’t mind.

Alvy, his roommate was sitting in the kitchen table and pursed his lips shaking his head not bothered by his zombie friend. He was having a bowl of cereal while going through a magazine. He knew Shane’s flair for drama very well.

“What did you do now?” he inquired before taking in a huge spoon of cornflakes. Shane was still groaning, staring blank at the kitchen tiles in front of him.

“Yesterday was Beckie’s birthday and I was at the bar with the girls, and you know, I haven’t seen them in ages. I drank too much and passed out. When I woke drooling on the table it was like 3 AM. I simply forgot”

Shane confessed trying to conjure Alvaro’s sympathy using his lowest and trembling voice. He joined his friend on the table and analyzed his face. Alvy just kept peacefully eating.

“I haven’t got the courage to check my messages. Jamin is going to kill me. Ugh.”

Then he crossed his arms and hid his face inside, making a huge thump sound, like a sleeping student during a chemistry class. Alvy deep sighed placing the bowl in the previous position before Shane’s little earthquake.

“He is not going to kill you. That bitch is whipped. He won’t do anything and that’s scary for Acid Betty. I saw him letting people have it for way less. But you’re an asshole. You need to make it up. Like, REALLY make it up”

Shane raised his head fast, maybe too fast as he winced in pain. Then his face lit up as he had the most brilliant idea.

“I need to suck his dick for two days straight” he suggested as a plausible solution.

Alvy wasn’t impressed.

“No. You would enjoy that too much. You need to do something that will make you suffer but will make him very happy.”

Shane thought about all the BMDS scenarios and it was like Alvy could see through his eyes.

“Not that you sick fuck. Just think about something nice and cute. Jamin is the best boyfriend you ever had if you screw this up, girl, I swear…”

“Okay, something cute and not sexual.  _Riiiight._  Are you sure it can’t be sexual? I give the best head anyone could ever have and he loves when-”

“SHANE!” Alvy interrupted and then continued eating and Shane’s engines were working already. He was feeling his blood flow running faster, his levels of anxiety building up.

The phone was there on the sink and he didn’t want to look at the damage.The beginning of the new year didn’t mean the beginning of a new Shane. He was still trying to kick some old habits.A year ago, he was full of hope that his life was going to change forever, he was going to be recognized for what’s been his passion, his job, his fire to live. He would gain fans and travel around the world with his Ru sisters.

He never thought even for a second he would gain love. The most unexpected gift. That Jamin was going to be home. A home way bigger than his tiny and busy Brooklyn apartment. The constant song in his head. These first weeks with no gigs were pure domestic bliss. Jamin, being older and supposedly wiser, was constantly teaching Shane “how to couple”.

Shane was a regular presence in his apartment so he needed to adjust to his rules. Jamin likes his bedroom tidy. He loves cold showers and Shane loves the water boiling. When they kiss still fresh from the water their temperatures balance each other. Jamin loves old 80’s cartoons and has a collection of suspicious underwear. He is not a talker in the morning and quite moody when something at the design agency goes wrong. He is an excellent brother. He is always paying attention to what Shane says even when he is just whispering to himself. And Shane is always surprised by that because he used to people stop listening to him at some point.

Shane thought about all that while he was staring at his mug of water.

*

Jamin hated being sick.

Being sick meant increasing getting worst at some point and then getting better. Or going to the hospital. His most dreadful place.He was lying on his couch all covered in a blanket watching TV. Beckie’s leftover beers were still on his coffee table. The symptoms of a possible cold were all checking. He was feverish, feeling his breathing uneven and his voice was sounding more nasal. He reached for the phone on the coffee table and browsed to check Shane’s last messages again.

11:05 pm

“When I get home we’re gonna finish watching  _Willow_. People are judging me because I said I would sleep with him.”

1:03 am

“TELL BECKIE THAT I LOVE HER!1!! I’M LEAVING IN 10 minutes ”

1:40 am

“I can’t make make it………don’t be mad girl. I love you. God I fucking love you. You still love me, right? ……Woooo?”

Jamin groaned feeling the anger building up. He still loved this idiot very much, which made him even more annoyed.He tossed the phone on the armchair when suddenly the doorbell rang. Beckie had left not even an hour ago. He gathered all the strength to be up, his whole body aching and dragged himself to get the door. He was wearing only his pajamas shorts, so he fetched a dirty t-shirt that was resting on the armchair and put it on.

He didn’t bother to look at the magic eye because he knew it was Shane the other side. Shane’s energy was constantly surrounding him and he could feel it from miles away. He had the keys to the apartment, it didn’t make sense to ring the bell. Jamin shook his head, preparing himself to not forgive him, and open the door in one quick move.

“Hey!” Shane opened a cheap smile in front of him. He was wearing Acid Betty’s merch, the pink t-shirt, and holding a bakery box full of donuts, and pillow donuts were on his arms like bracelets too.

Jamin was a bit overwhelmed by the Katy Perry music video set up but he recovered quickly.

“I don’t know what’s happening here…” he uttered in a low voice and coughed a bit and Shane’s happy expression melt down and he approached Jamin, that back away. “But you’re not getting away with this” he reassured coughing between the words.

“You’re sick? I told you to get some pills when your throat started scratching…” Shane responded worried placing his palm on Jamin’s sweaty forehead and Jamin tilted his head annoyed, resisting the touch.

“Shane, where the fuck were you last night? Beckie was expecting to see you. You told her you were going to play. And you kept drinking your ass off anyway. You’re a fucking asshole” he answered in all his  _I’m-really-pissed_  persona, but sounding quite tired.

“I’ve already talked to Beckie. I just came back from her place and I intend to pay dinner and play her a serenade. You know I love her, right?”

Jamin crossed his arms in front of his chest still not fully convinced. Shane seemed hurt, but he wasn’t going to shake it off that easily.

“You always do this. You think these little things don’t matter but they do. You can’t just ditch people or forget important things and expect them to not be mad. You live in your own planet but you need some Earth manners”

Shane looked like a puppy that was caught after destroying his owner’s favorite couch. He held an apprehensive expression of someone that was expecting his final sentence and yet completely adorable. Covered in donuts, the cheeks and nose still rose and drowsy puffy eyes. Fuck, he loved hangover Shane.

“I’m really, reaaally sorry. I swear I tried to leave. But the girls were there and I haven’t seen them in ages and-

Jamin opened his mouth to preach him again but Shane raised his hand as a gesture to continue.

“And I know I-I should just have sent you a message” and then he started walking in circles and gesticulating. “You know, explaining that I wouldn’t be able to make it. I don’t even remember if I texted you anything?” he asked stopping to move rubbing his forehead, the bracelet donut sliding down on his forearm.

Jamin chuckled. One scrape of ice just melt down. Shane’s charms were the worst.  He hated himself for that chuckle.

“Anyways I’m sorry, there’s no excuse, I’m an asshole but I’m still learning this whole relationship thing. It’s…it’s a sorta fairytale. It makes me stunned most of the time and please just-

Jamin interrupted him putting one finger on his mouth.

“You texted me several times, you dummy. We’re supposed to finish  _Willow_ today. You confessed you have the hots for Warwick Davis to the girls”

Then he picked up the donuts box and let Shane in. He tried to recollect anything from last night but the conversations were a blur.  

“I don’t remember anything” he replied following him and taking off his shoes. “And I was too afraid of checking my phone”

“Yeah, you always afraid of that” Jamin scoffed and groaned as he lowered himself to sit on the floor in front of the coffee table. He propped himself with crossed legs and took a bite in the chocolate donut covered by a pornographic baker’s sugar topping.

Shane winced with him and sat by his side. Watching carefully his reaction.

“I hope these donut bracelets are for me” Jamin noticed with full mouth, a bit of the topping resting on the corner of his mouth. Shane took the bracelets off and put them on the table.

“Yes, they are! I noticed that donut dress you’re making I thought it would be a great asset?” Shane replied excited showing off the donuts. “Donut first!” he pointed one in the opposite direction and then let go a soft giggle.

Jamin smiled. He was learning to pay attention after all. He couldn’t be mad with him for more than 10 minutes. It was ridiculous.

“My throat is so sore, ugh. I can’t taste the chocolate in all its glory” he complained chewing slowly.

Shane continued looking at him feeling a little bit hesitant. Knowing Shane he was probably feeling guilty even about Jamin’s nasty cold.

“What?” Jamin asked impatiently with his gaze.

“You have a thing on your…” then Shane put his hand one the corner of his own mouth to show Jamin the spot he needed to clean.

Jamin wasn’t bothered. He knew Shane was hesitant to approach him. He wanted to make him suffer a little bit more but his desire for him was bigger.

“Come clean it up” he simply answered rolling eyes with his own weakness. Shane reacted as if he was finally out of the discipline corner.

Jamin nodded in agreement as a permission for him to scooch. He opened a broad smile and crawled to kiss Jamin.It was soft and slow, lingering on Jamin’s lips to taste the chocolate on his saliva. Then Shane opened his mouth a little, smiling and feeling Jamin’s heavy breathing. He kissed the corner of Jamin’s mouth, licking it slowly like a languid kitten, placing a quick peck on the spot as a final touch.

Jamin was motionless drinking the sensation. Their eyes met and Shane giggled again proud of his work.He grabbed one donut and laid next to Jamin, using his lap as a pillow. Jamin was browsing his phone on the coffee table and the other hand unconsciously reached to play with Shane’s dreads.

“These are really good. Fuck. Mucus and crispy cookies chocolate should be a new flavor. Let’s sell it in Whole Foods” he replied full mouth laughing.

Jamin completely forgot he was sick. He thought about saying sorry but Shane didn’t seem to care about it and it was too late so he just shrugged.

“You are so warm. You’re probably feverish” Shane talked again almost finishing his donut.

“I need to get better. Next week we’re hitting the tour” he replied absently but Shane glanced up at him opening a huge smile and clapping hands.

“Our first together. We must set some ground rules. First one: no sex while we’re in drag. You don’t tuck but I do, bitch” he replied standing up to get some water in the kitchen and Jamin took the chance to get back to the couch and cover himself up again.

Shane kept talking alone in the kitchen as he started to fix himself some bread with cream cheese too. “I know, I know you don’t care about people knowing about us, but I do think our private life is still private. Bob and Naomi know and that’s enough for me. I think Kim Chi probably knows too because Naomi tells her everything.” Then he started laughing remembering of the Christmas incident “Well, Pearl doesn’t know she knows. The information it’s probably somewhere in the back of that bitch’s stoner head”

Shane ate the bread fast and when he got back to the living room Jamin was wrapped like a taco and already snorting, in heavy sick sleep.

He observed him for few seconds and sighed relieved. He approached him and felt his forehead again, placing a kiss afterwards.

“I’m here if you need anything. I swear” he whispered in his ear and Jamin didn’t move. But he listened like a sweet lullaby. He was always listening to Shane.


	2. Heavenly Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was in the house of good-byes. Shane was a constant visitor.  
> He learned to love airports, it was a solidarity territory after all. A gathering of people learning to be alone together."

Shane identified[  **the song**](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DN74206Uepek&t=NmRmOTM1YWFlY2IyMTRmZGNkY2ZlMWU1NWY5NWI1MzE5NzQ0ZTIwZCxycGJGcDVEQg%3D%3D&b=t%3Av3LhZRbWmoT9W49tMg51qg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmulder-isms.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F156465615350%2Fthe-tour-heavenly-things-thorcid-fanfic-an&m=1)popping on his phone screen. He put his headphone set over his green beanie and pressed play.

As the first notes of the violin hit his ears, the contrast with the reality surrounding was overwhelming. The fluorescent lights of the airport didn’t have cotton candy shapes. The air wasn’t thin and pure, it was filled with different scents from people and places. Dust from all around the world.

There’s no comfort in waiting rooms.

There’s no good seats in airports, no matter how fancy and padded they can be, the tossing and turning effect lurks inside, making all weary wanderers unease. Shane was curled in his own uncomfortable seat, using his bag as a pillow, the headphones blocking the collective silence. His eyes that were looking for something interesting got fixed in a young couple that seemed to be departing.

A star-crossed of millennial lovers. She was dark skinned and was wearing a beautiful coral dress with a 50′s full skirt. She looked like a goddess and held that confidence he only wished he had at the same age. The boy was computer tanning pale, and had gentle eyes, completely anchored by the beauty in front of him.

They were probably in college. The story practically wrote itself. He created the whole scenario in his head: they’ve met in a frat party and discovered they study in different states. She had the sparkle of being in love and hopeful. He smiled at her like he’s found the meaning of life. They hugged and when they kissed some awful creatures glanced at them, like moths surrounding a lantern. That despicable look Thorgy was used to get by creatures that would never know that feeling. Lacking of love and respect. 

The young woman stood there for some seconds, absorbing and acknowledging the good-bye. She was in the house of good-byes. Shane was a constant visitor. He learned to love airports, it was a solidarity territory after all. A gathering of people learning to be alone together. A flight attendant passed through in a hurry, clacking her heals with determination, the suitcase following behind. All her earthly problems couldn’t fit inside that suitcase for sure, they were dragging behind. He wondered why anyone would choose to work up in the clouds. We’re not meant for heavenly things.

Shane touched the ground again when he felt Jamin’s presence by his side, and the sound of the girls talking over the ethereal music in his headphone. He sat properly and removed the private orchestra happening in his head and side eyed Jamin eating a bagel and browsing through his phone.

Jamin was wearing a wool gray sweater with black flowers that Shane was deciding if he loved it or hated, probably both, and a black beanie on. His challenging fashion boyfriend scratched his chin, covered by a soft stubble, and push up the black arrow glasses that were almost at the tip of his nose. His lips were part open.Shane half smiled in awe. That face hit the jack pot in bone structure. Jamin was constantly changing the shape turning into art, when actually he was a piece of art himself.

“You are the sexiest mouth-breather” Shane uttered breaking Jamin’s concentration. The other man snorted shaking his head and closing his mouth, his tongue sliding the bottom lip that was dry. He pinched the side of Shane’s leg.

“ _Yas honey_ , take all this sinusitis fantasy” he replied drawing his attention back to the phone.

And then Jamin started fumbling a paper bag that he placed on the empty seat by his other side and handed it to Shane.

“I brought you a cheese one. You already had that cake so I figured you’d want something salty. The line was huge” he commented distracted while Shane opened the bag excited.

Shane smiled taking a good sniff inside bag, with fresh baked bagels. He wanted to kiss him thank you but the girls were near by, in the row of seats in front of them. Naomi checked them out from time to time, with a funny expression as if he was spotting them sitting in a tree  _k-i-s-s-i-n-g._

“Actually…I think I could eat something sweet again” Shane teased in disdain. Jamin lifted his head finally drawing his attention completely the Shane, actually considering giving his chocolate bagels to his boyfriend but then he noticed Shane’s smile getting bigger. He was just messing with him.

Shane squeezed his arm laughing.

“Bitch you weren’t going to have mine…” he denied defending his pride but he would give Shane all the bagels in the world.

Shane looked around and stole a quick sniff-peck on his neck. Jamin tilted his head in response and squeezed Shane’s leg.

“This is nice”, Shane just realized. “We’re actually flying together. After all these months cursing planes I think I’m ready to forgive them for taking you away from me”

“And we’re sitting together” Jamin added raising his brow. Shane was taken by surprise. He was so used to not have Jamin around he didn’t even bother to check their seats.

Bob approached them before Shane got the chance to answer anything.

“Boarding is open. Kim and Naomi are already going to the gate. And THANK ME, your reigning queen, for putting you two together. Peter was going to put me and Thorgy together and I pulled my royal strings. Taste that first-class realness only for today, bitches. Your flight is later than ours though”

“Thank you again, Roberta”, Acid nodded with a broad smile.  

Shane shimmed and clapped his hands excited and squeezed Jamin’s knees. He stood up and side hugged Bob that just stood there annoyed. 

“Ugh. Let me go. You guys reek love. Don’t rub it too much on me” he complained and Shane kissed his cheek under his protests. 

*

Their flight was late indeed. Boarding was almost 2 a.m. Shane was a little bit jet legged from his preview flight and quite tired. The plane had few seats taken, it was atypically empty and Shane mentally thanked Bob again. They could even have the row only for themselves. Shane used the extra space to stretch his long legs, lying down a bit, resting his head-on Jasmin’s shoulder that was reviewing and making notes in a design project of a client.

They talked a bit until Shane fell asleep as soon as the lights got dim in the aircraft. Jamin was sitting by the window and he was feeling his eyelids getting heavier too, he knew he should probably get some sleep too since tomorrow would be a big day, but Beckie asked him to take care of this because she was travelling too.

He peered the shadows of the clouds passing fast through the window, and then looked down at Shane over his right shoulder, all covered in his red blanket, a little bit of drool rolling down the side of his mouth. He softly chuckled. Jamin tried carefully to remove Shane’s glasses so they wouldn’t get even more crooked but he wasn’t sneaky enough and he woke up.

Shane was up in a short of breath and sat properly on his seat a little bit startled. He felt the cold wind of the air conditioner blowing on his face and wrapped himself on the blanket shivering.

“I’m bringing a bib next time” Jamin scoffed and continued reading his papers.

Shane wiped his drool snorting and rearranged his glasses.

“Was I gone for too long?” Shane asked searching for his headphones inside his bag and putting it on. Then he nestle again on Jamin’s shoulder, hugging his arm and glancing at what he was reading.

The song playing was Rufus Wainwright’s version of **[“Bewitched, bothered and bewildered”](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DlA0pP1nBmFk&t=MTgzMTYzNGU5OTFkNjg4ZWE2ZmQ2MjIxN2QyNmJmNTQ2ZTZiMWZkZCxycGJGcDVEQg%3D%3D&b=t%3Av3LhZRbWmoT9W49tMg51qg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmulder-isms.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F156465615350%2Fthe-tour-heavenly-things-thorcid-fanfic-an&m=1)**. A beautiful redemption of it. Shane kissed Jamin’s cheek, nuzzling his cold nose on it and Jamin just half smiled but continued super focused.

_Couldn’t sleep and wouldn’t sleep_

_When love came and told me, I shouldn’t sleep_

_Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I_

_Lost my heart, but what of it_

_He is cold I agree_

_He can laugh, but I love it_

_Although the laugh’s on me_

_I’ll sing to him, each spring to him_

_And long, for the day when I’ll cling to him_

_Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I_

As the song spoke to him he observed the one that bewitched him. Jamin was sketching over what it looked like the print of a website layout, the concentrated frown. His beautiful and crafty hands strangling the pencil.

“It’s too late, put this down” Shane ordered inserting a finger inside Jamin’s ear making him laugh.

“Go back to sleep” he replied ignoring his order and covering Shane’s eyes with the palm of his hands and Shane pushed away giggling.  

“It’s 2 a.m. Talk to me. Tell me a dirty story” Shane muttered with eyes closed in Jamin’s ear and trail down to place small kisses on Jamin’s neck. Jamin shifted restless on his seat.

“Thorg, people are sleeping…I know where this is going” he replied nervous trying to create some space between them but he was by the window. Trapped.

Shane opened his eyes and checked around. Nobody seemed awake but them.

“I had this crazy sex dream with a guy from my college years. I’d fucked him in my dorm and then he massaged me with with slices of bread?” Shane confessed intrigued and laughing at himself. Jamin was very confused. Shane held his arm firmer. “You know when you wake in the middle of the night horny and you have to drowsy jerk off?’ he spoke low covering both of them with his blanket.

Jamin’s eyes got wider almost in panic, but there wasn’t enough time to respond since Shane’s hands were claws reaching his face for a full tongue kiss. Shane tasted like the peanuts they both had when the flight attendant offered them. He was trying to resist but not quite managing it. He felt like the noises they were making were echoing in the whole place.

Shane’s hand slowly was dropping from his chest to clench onto his stomach, and he carved his nails on it, sneaking under the fabric of his sweater until Jamin finally stopped him.

“That’s enough, fuck! ” he pushed Shane away almost desperate. He took off his black beanie and he was feeling like boiling. He removed the wool sweater leaving only his black sweatshirt on.

He looked at Shane annoyed and all fluttered. Shane grinned satisfied.

“I wanna watch you jerking off” Shane whispered as if was ordering more peanuts and Jamin glanced around again if someone was awake. He was clearly alarmed. Everything stood still though. Most of the seats next to them were empty.

“What did they put on your bagels, jeeeesus” Jamin muttered laughing and removing his glasses and Shane took them away from his hands, tossing inside his bag, and then he started kissing him again, nuzzling on his jawline.

“Come on, it’s gonna be fun” he pleaded again, placing a hand on Jamin’s crotch and rubbing his bulge over the jeans. Jamin wasn’t still completely convinced, although his erection was saying otherwise.

“You were literally passed out five minutes ago with the most innocent sleeping face and now you’re up and a cock hungry slut, like, how” he asked helpless and Shane was already opening his jeans zipper, inserting one hand inside giggling. Jamin let got a soft moan.

Shane planted more kisses on Jamin’s neck, softly and lazily working on his length. “Do it” he ordered Jamin again, sure he was going to get what he wanted.

The red blanket was covering all of them but their heads.  Jamin closed his eyes in disbelief that he was actually going to do this, and Shane bit softly Jamin’s bottom lip and watched the red blanket go up and down as Jamin was fastening the pace. Jamin was extremely aroused as he kept looking up to see if any flight attendant would pass by and he noticed one coming from the back of the corridor. He stopped and Shane laughed and they pretended they were sleeping underneath the covers. They heard under the blanket two of them talking in panic, but when they heard their voices becoming distant, Shane removed the blanket over their heads.

Jamin smoothed his hair panting and Shane had both hands on his mouth so he wouldn’t start cackling.

“Sorry, I’m gonna finish you, I swear” he said chuckling and planting kisses on Jamin’s cheek and the other hand reaching for his cock and Jamin placed his hand over his in a firm grip.

“Not with your hands. Are you ready to give the best head of your life?” Jamin challenged Shane.

Shane finally hesitated stop thinking everything was so funny. He investigated around again. The lady in the seat three rows in front of them was shifting position, but she had headphones on and was watching a movie. The few people there were probably listening their conversation, but he didn’t care anymore. He loved a good challenge. Especially when it involved Jamin getting vocal about his desires.

“Give me my red blanket, bitch” Shane asked analyzing the logistics. Jamin was the one having fun now the tables were turned. Shane removed the green beanie he was wearing and pulled more of his dreads up with an elastic band. He was surely determined.

Then he covered his whole body and side lowered himself to get a good angle.

He had some lube in his bag and he placed a good amount on his palm. He slow rubbed Jamin, biting his lower lip, shifting his eyes from his favorite instrument to Jamin’s face, looking for his approval. Jamin was just trying to keep it together. Shane swiped his tongue on his lower lip as if he was getting ready to dive in a delicious meal.He lowered himself to suck his cock with no ceremony, his head going unexpectedly all the way down making Jamin squirm of his seat, and then slowing sliding back, planting small kisses on the tip, licking around it. Jamin was quite stunned looking down and when their eyes met, Shane give a little shimmy all proud of his achievement. He started sucking it again, one hand firm on the base and the other stroking it.

Jamin pushed Shane’s glasses up from the tip of his nose and he laughed with his cock still on his mouth and it was a delicious sensation as his teeth grasped his glan. Shane got a good pace and the suction noises were getting louder, Jamin kept checking around and caressing Shane’s back, encouraging him to continue, his heart beating faster than a drum. Jamin wanted to moan louder, but he couldn’t make a sound, but after Shane’s constant stimulation, and the vision of his head going up and down so vigorously, he was wincing at the edge…

If someone caught them he wouldn’t fucking mind. He was feeling lightheaded, having a complete blackout. He would die the happiest man. 

“Fu…” he attempted to say squeezing Shane’s shoulder and he knew this was the sign.

He emptied himself in the back of Shane’s throat hard but his boyfriend didn’t let go of his grip, his cock throbbing inside his mouth and yet he didn't even flinch. Thorgy was a great lip sync artist indeed. A flashback of her in the  _Bitch Perfect_  musical popped in is head.  He envied Shane’s gag reflex control. Jamin was still with eyes closed when he felt Shane contact redrawing slowly, licking everything that poured out, and after Jamin was squeaky clean he reached down to kiss him. It wasn’t his favorite thing in the world to do it, but in that challenge Shane was the absolute winner.

"You taste so good" he whispered while Jamin was still kissing him sweetly.  

Shane sat properly and put his green beanie on again arranging his outfit and Jamin was cleaning up under the blanket, zipper up again. Shane laid again, tired, side hugging Jamin’s mid-waist. He coughed a bit and pretended he found a pube on the tip of his tongue. Jamin laughed shaking his head. 

“I can use some ice if the the flight attendant walks by again” he chuckled feeling his throat quite sore and his erection rubbing painfully on his jeans.

“Do you want me?” Jamin asked looking down at Shane’s crotch, but Shane shook his head.

“Nah. We have time for this later. We need to sleep. Plus I kinda like to be at this state of edging” he reassured Jamin. “I officially forgive airplanes”

“There will be no edges with me on this trip. Just lots and lots of orgasms” he replied kissing Shane, making sure he was there and he would definitely pay back. And they indeed had time. Precious and deserved time.

“And you can have all my bagels” Jamin finished placing one last kiss on his left brow. 

They finally were quiet observing the world in fast shadows through their window.

“Are these people dead? It looks like that scene from Sleeping Beauty where the whole city is high on the fairies sleeping powder” Shane whispered laughing on Jamin’s chest.

Jamin squeezed him laughing and nodding.

“Let’s sleep before the spell ends…” he replied resting his chin on the top of Shane’s head.

They were snorting together few minutes later, no sleeping fairy dust needed. The girl in the coral dress, miles away underneath the clouds on this bitter earth was tossing and turning in her bed, apart from her loved one, still cursing airplanes.  


	3. Chapter 3

Bob jumped three times on the doorway of his apartment to get rid of the snow on his coat. His bones were still shaking from the chilly weather outside, the lips frost and cracking. His assistant popped out from the elevator with the rest of the suitcases and bags mumbling complaints. Bob was fumbling inside his backpack to find the keys.

He was still jet lagged and it was almost 1 AM. When he found the sneaky keys, he felt the phone vibrating inside his jeans pocket.

“What the…” he started the unfinished sentence.

“You’re not getting any booty call until you help me unpack this shit” the younger man behind him protested.

Bob rolled eyes profusely as he recognized the name on the screen. He accepted the call placing one hand on the waist impatient already.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked sharply before even the hello.

“I know you’ve just arrived from the trip probably but I really want to see you. Shane is driving me fucking insane, I don’t know what to do, I have nobody else to talk to.”

The familiar deep voice on the phone was a little bit higher and trembling.

“W-w-w wait Betty, where are you? I’ve just got home, bitch. I can’t with this telenovela of you two right now-

Jamin cut him before he could finish the sentence, “I don’t know where he is. Come here…please. I’m at that bar near my place.”

Bob deep sighed closing his tired eyes and checked the late hour again on his watch. His assistant was listening everything very interested but quite impatient for Bob’s decision.

“I’m there in maybe half an hour? Hold your damn horses”

He hung up and turned his back to his assistant with pleading innocent eyes.

“Yeah, girl, I need to go. Ya know.” he tried explaining cheaply while his assistant wasn’t impressed at all, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Bob hugged him anyways and got back into the elevator. He was heavy breathing again, but not from the cold.

“What the fuck did you do, Throgy?” he wondered out loud focusing on the floor numbers slowly descending on the display.

*                                                      

**One month ago**

Acid was listening to the audience back stage, the muffled sounds behind the black walls of the theater. He was a half way ditsy from the drink he was having. Memories of little Jamin in school plays flooding his mind. How did ever cross his mind being away from performing?

“Aaaaaacid Beeeetty!”

Bob’s voice was calling in the microphone and he walked to join the other girls for the questions and answers, the spotlights making him temporarily blind for few seconds. This trip has been nothing but a dream. He was surrounded by people that he loved and inspired him.

Sitting next to Thorgy turned out to be a constant distraction, he wondered if people could see the obvious behind his make-up, hair and sometimes mask. He was wearing all the disguises and still couldn’t help being drawn to him, with constant side comments as if there was anybody else in the panel.

When his eyes finally stopped scanning the faces in the front row of the theater, he glanced at Thorgy only to notice the outfit he was wearing. Naomi’s merch black t-shirt and some black slick pants with classic Thorgy pumps on.

Thorgy noticed Acid’s eyes resting on his lap and smiled caught up in the mischief.

“Sorry, girl! I decided to try it on and you know me, I ended up pulling off the whole look” he explained approaching Acid’s ear while Kim Chi was answering a question.

“I was going to wear this tomorrow” he replied smoothing Thorgy’s thigh distracted, his mouth dropped open. Thorgy’s eyes widened behind his thick arrow glasses but he didn’t remove Acid’s hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked amused exchanging glances from his thigh to Chi Chi that wasn’t bothered about them at all, refreshing herself with a huge fan.

Acid finally realized that they weren’t alone and he just winked and took a sip on his drink. Thorgy giggled and draw his attention back to Kim Chi.

Acid kept staring at his face, eyes all narrowed with the big smile, all under the big black hat.

Jamin knew the disguises were covering him, and still he felt like the audience could see right through him.

*

“Okay, bottoms up! So, Naomi, stand up!”

Shane, Jamin and Naomi were at the suspicious karaoke bar turning tequila shots after the show. Naomi almost spit his drink after Shane’s comment. Jamin was passed the point of being buzzed, the fish on his sweater were going to die from alcohol poisoning.

“Have you guys chosen your song?” Naomi asked reading the big book of song options as if he could see anything in the dim lighting of the bar.

“Mine it’s a surprise” Shane answered mysterious raising his brows, one elbow poking Jamin’s rib.

“I’m not singing with you, Shane” he protested again in a serious tone that Shane didn’t care at all, stealing a quick peck on his cheek.

“Awww, it’s so cute when you call Thorgy by Shane” Naomi pointed out tilting his head at them in an adorable way. “I’m sticking with Mariah.  _Heartbreaker_  is my jam”

“Ooooh I can be your back vocal for this one!” Thorgy replied excited slapping Naomi’s forearms many times in a row.

“Well, I’m going to refill and smoke outside.” Jamin commented expecting Shane to maybe follow him.

Shane glanced at him standing up, “I’m gonna stick around here. Don’t stay outside too long, I think I saw your David Bowie in the queue” Shane replied pulling lightly the fabric of Jamin’s pants.

Jamin collected Shane’s hand and squeezed, rubbing his thumb on his knuckles.

*

 A group of college girls were singing Spice Girls with all their excitement and poor rhythm skills. Jamin observed them sipping his drink and smiled. He gave up the smoke break because it was too cold outside and he didn’t want to miss his song. His eyes traveled back to the table. Naomi and Kim Chi were talking at the edge of one side while Shane was talking to a man quite close.

He shrugged. It could be just a fan. He continued watching the chubby one going down to floor as she did the  _Zig-a-zig-ah_  choreography. He turned his glance back to the table and the guy was whispering in Shane’s ear and he was giggling. They seemed intimate.

“What the…” he whispered feeling the sting of jealousy.

He recollected himself a bit, sure that it was the tequila taking over. He walked back to the table and Shane didn’t even notice he was walking in their direction.

“Hi!” he interrupted them, standing in front of the table, and he wondered if the hi sounded too weird.

Shane finally draw his attention to him, and he was very excited pulling his arm to sit next to the stranger.

“Jamin, come here! This is Ethan, you’re not going to believe this!”

“We’ve shared dorms in university…among other things” the blonde muscular man answered and exchanged a meaningful glance with Shane. He looked like a hockey player.

Shane cleared his throat, because he noticed how Jamin wasn’t amused, he just nodded and draw his attention to his drink. Naomi was at the other side of the table, and she mouthed a curious “What the fuck?” noticing the jock next to Shane.

“We dated for what?” Shane asked him narrowing his eyes trying to remember.

“Almost one year. Until I moved back to Wisconsin”

Jamin noticed Naomi standing up because he was going to sing. He got up quicker than usual to remind Shane they were going to do the number together.

“Thorgy! It’s now!” he reminded him throwing a quick nod to acknowledge Ethan.

Shane hesitated for few seconds, his gaze shifting between Jamin and Ethan, but he stood up to join Naomi. Before leaving the table, he leaned down to say something to Jamin but he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to say.

“This is weird”, he just blurted out laughing, the palms of his hands on Jamin’s thighs, using as support for his weight.

“He looks like the blonde guy from  _Karate Kid_ but on steroids” Jamin replied sharply making Shane cackle. They kept staring at each other, Shane focusing on Jamin’s lower lip.

“You look so damn cute with this stupid sweater” Shane noticed nibbling his bottom lip warily, pointing to one orange fish among the many featured in the blue sweater.

Naomi pulled him before alcohol would have speak louder. Jamin picked up his phone from the table not giving too much attention to Ethan.

“God, Shane still shakes me so hard” he commented looking at him and Naomi at the stage. Jamin widened eyes and looked up at him. “He didn’t have these…” then the blond man tried to make a gesture of dreads on his head, “going on, and didn’t look so sloppy…but damn, I’d still let him fuck me in a minute”

Ethan confessed as if was the most mundane thing, and took a sip on his own drink. Jamin was quite struck.

“Ah, you were in that drag show with him, right? I don’t watch this, I mean, I respect what you guys do. But it’s just not my thing…but hey, it’s TV!”  and then he gave Jamin a little pad on the shoulder.

“Ahem, may I ask what is your profession so I can respect too?” Jamin scoffed with a smile. Ethan was such a brick he didn’t even notice the sass on his tone.

“I’m a lawyer.”

“Aaaahh respectful indeed” he replied full of disdain, but Ethan didn’t notice anything and continued throwing lustful eyes to Shane and Naomi on the stage as they were singing. “This friend of yours is quite cute…but damn…do you know if Shane is seeing someone?”

“You know, we are on the road all the time, who knows?” Jamin replied absently almost finishing his drink.

“Shane is still the best top I’ve ever had. When we were young people would see him as this feminine fairy but dude, in the bedroom he was just-“

Jamin was tensing up more and more as he continued listening to the conversation until the point he interrupted him standing up abruptly.

“Eh, I need a refill, do you want anything?” he asked in the speed of light. Ethan seemed a little bit suspicious and it took him few seconds to answer.

“No man, I’m fine” he raised his half full glass.

Jamin rushed to the bar. He closed his eyes, feeling a little bit nauseous. He didn’t know why he was acting up crazy like this. But Ethan’s presence was bugging him immensely. He went to the bathroom to freshen up and get a grip, and when he came back to the table Naomi was talking to Ethan and they seemed to be flirting. He checked his cell phone to read a message from Kim Chi saying he was at the hotel already.

He joined them at the table again, sitting by Naomi’s side and his eyes finally fixed on the stage where Shane was singing  _Head over feet_  by Alanis Morissette. Shane’s gaze settled on him. He was sitting on stool and looking at the TV with the lyrics but he kept shifting to Jamin.

He continued singing, almost talking the song, each verse full of meaning.

_You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met_

_You’re my best friend_

_Best friend with benefits_

Then he winked at Jamin that shook his head smiling softly. Jamin’s expression got introspective as Shane continued singing.

_What took me so long?_

_I’ve never felt this healthy before_

_I’ve never wanted something rational_

_I am aware now_

_I am aware now_

Shane was singing directly to him and Jamin nodded back. 

He was aware too.

“Alanis is such a gemini, I love this bitch.  _“Bearer of unconditional things”_ , who the fuck writes a verse like this?” he broke the romantic verse as people from the bar kept clapping.

He got off the stool before the song finished clapping hands too. He met them at the table and Jamin had to slide on the bench so he could sit next to him. Shane drank from his drink and before he noticed Naomi and Ethan were making out by Jamin’s side.

“Can we go to the hotel already?” Shane pleaded laughing at the vision.

“PLEASE” panic on his eyes as the couple was almost towering over him.

*

Half hour later they were at the hotel lying in bed with a passed-out Naomi in the middle of them, because Kim didn’t open the room for him and Naomi lost his key.

“Tell me again why you need to sleep here” Jamin asked annoyed and Naomi pulled him closer by the waist. He sighed annoyed. Shane was laying behind Naomi.

“I don’t wanna be alone…I’m sick!” he mumbled annoyed. Jamin sighed frustrated.

“I told you you’re light weight, bitch. Why do you think you can keep up with us? Our livers are petrified already” Shane replied in his ear and he just kept mumbling complaints.

“Can I at least change position?” Jamin asked trying to remove his arm as if he was glued to his waist. Naomi’s long arm pulled Shane closer so he could spoon him. Shane hugged him placing his head over Nami’s head and exchanged a small kiss with Jamin when Naomi separated their mouths.

“None of this will happen here, okay…” she mumbled.

Jamin was getting pissed and Shane was super amused about the whole thing.

“By the way, Thorgy… how a jock like that is a bottom…we were making out and then we kinda looked at each other like…really? And now what?” Naomi commented in her usual dragged deep voice and then started giggling.

Shane inspected Jamin’s face for a reaction but he avoid looking at Shane.

“I’m taking a shower”

Jamin escaped from Naomi’s arms before Shane saying anything.

*

After a longer than usual shower, Jamin got out the smokey bathroom to find Shane sitting on the edge of the bed, legs crossed watching TV in a low volume, a bag of chips in hands.

Jamin was wearing the hotel’s white robe and started looking for his pajamas in silence. All they could hear was Naomi’s snorting and the bag of chips wrap sound moving in Shane’s hands.

When he was finally dressed up he sat next to Shane and grabbed a handful of the chips, watching absently the screen too. They stood there quietly.

“Are you happy with our sex life?”

He asked unabashed and there was no time to even regret. Shane was caught out of guard and he snorted confused.

“What?” he inquired giggling eating more chips.

“I’m serious, Thorg” he continued worried and awkward. Shane looked at Naomi’s corpse behind them.

“Is this because of Ethan? What did he say to you? Oh my god. I’ve never seen you like this. I kinda want to take a picture”

“He said that you were the best top he ever had” he confessed hesitating.

Shane just stood there staring at him, his mouth dropped open confused and amused.

“Look…” Jamin pulled Shane’s sleeve looking down. “I can bottom more often. It’s just that…” he smoothed one of his brows. “Sorry if I didn’t notice how much you’ve missed it, I don’t know, it sorta happened that way and you never looked unsatisfied and-

He looked up finally meeting Shane’s face that had his head tilted as if Jamin was the cutest puppy.

“It’s because I’m satisfied. Believe me, I would have told you if I wasn’t, bitch. And I wouldn’t have changed anything, how the things happened” he reassured him squeezing his thigh and Jamin deep sighed relieved. “But if you want to bottom more…You know, I am the best top in Ethan’s prestigious list…” and then he threw a little shimmy and Jamin laughed.

Jamin leaned to kiss him, his mint breath meeting Shane chips salty tongue until they felt Naomi’s leg separating them. The kiss was pulled apart.

They hopped on the other single bed and kept eating chips and watching TV. Shane was the one to fall sleep first, peaceful using Jamin’s chest as pillow.

Jamin glanced over Naomi sleeping and kissed the top of Shane’s head, still wondering about that younger version of Shane in a dorm room fucking like there’s no tomorrow.

He was getting turned on so he shifted his position to shake off his unholy thoughts.

“Think about awful things…Derrick’s emotional roller-coaster speech…” he whispered to himself laughing,

*

Magical things were happening in this tour.

And having a dressing room only for themselves was one of them.

When Jamin got the message from Shane, he took a long shower at the hotel and prepared himself for all the possibilities. He didn’t know why Ethan’s encounter lit this fire on him but he still felt like he needed to spice things up with Shane.

Even though magical things were happening, many obstacles kept happening from letting him have any quality time with Shane. Their last private moment, but not so much, was still in the plane…the memories of Shane’s head going up and down, the adrenaline of almost getting caught…

But there was always people that they needed to meet and the fans and the other girls constantly interrupting them.

He got wrapped helping Bob to fix his dress that literally ripped in the zipper of the suitcase. He checked his watch. It was almost time for dressing up.

“You’re set?” Jamin asked Bob again that was twirling looking at the dressing room mirror.

“Yeah, thank you Elizabeth. Girl, your face. You look like a teenager that stopped jerking off because his parents knocked on the door or something” Bob teased  his friend with his raspy giggle that was clearly in a hurry. “Go go, Jesus”

Jamin left them to find Shane in the dressing room wearing just a long black tank top and boxers, putting his hair up, rolling the dreads in a sock, ready to put his make up on.

“Hi, I thought you would never come” he replied unaware of his boyfriend urgency.

Jamin just locked the door behind him with the key and reached for him as fast as he could for a desperate kiss. He was in no mood to talk or waste time anymore and stole Shane’s next words with a rough and thorough sweep on his mouth, pressing his lips tightly against his rooting for the closest fit, one hand escaping his tank top to tangle into the back of his dreads.

Shane just followed his act walking back as Jamin pushed him against the make up balcony so he could sit, some of the make up items falling on the floor.

From the other side of the wall the girls heard the thump sound coming from the other room. Naomi and Bob exchanged glances and Kim Chi looked at the ceiling.

“These old buildings are always making noises. Haunted mansion realness”

Bob tried to justify as Naomi laughed. He was worried that whatever was going on the other room they were all going to hear.

Shane wrapped his legs around him as his hands were removing first Jamin’s glasses, and then his own glasses, the t-shirt and opening his fly, the pants dropping on the floor, never breaking the kiss until the inevitable moment. He was an octopus when it comes to his boyfriend’s body.  Jamin was naked in a matter of seconds, but Shane still had the tank top on.

“What’s going on…” he managed to murmur into Jamin’s ear as he planted kisses on the hollow of his neck trailing down to Shane’s stomach, pulling the fabric of the shirt up.

Jamin was removing Shane’s boxers slowly, scanning every bit of his long legs, the blue eyes darkened with desire, his lips still glistening. He placed two of the stools of the dressing room, right and left sides and Shane observed intrigued.

Then he grabbed one of Shane’s legs and threw over his shoulder, lowering himself to put Shane in his mouth. Shane was hard and aching for him already, and he arched his back in response letting go a soft moan, bumping his shoulder blaze on the cold mirror. He watched them in the other mirror in front of them, Jamin kneeled and buried between his legs, his head going up down and he fastened the pace, the vision was making him even more turned on.

Jamin shifted his attention to his lower parts, not before licking slowly the tip of Shane’s cock and looking up to check his reaction, but he had his eyes closed in trance.

He pulled Shane by the hips closer so could rim his entrance, digging his tongue inside him, his legs spread open.

“Oh my…Ja…” he tried to say something as Jamin kept fucking him with his tongue. Shane was using one hand carved on the balcony holding his weight and the other was stroking his own cock.

Jamin suddenly stopped, which make Shane wince and protest but he wasn’t going to break the contact for too long, as Jamin pulled him closer again for a kiss, pushing him against the wall one more time, his cock deliciously rubbing inside Shane’s tank top.

“Floor, now” Jamin commanded breathless.

Jamin laid on the floor and watched Shane fetching up a bottle of lube from his bag and placing a good portion on his hands. He also threw Jamin the small cushion he uses in airplanes. Jamin laughed putting it under his neck. He sat next to Jamin on the floor and took Jamin on his mouth gently, he was fully hard, so he didn’t tease that much just lubing him up.

“I hate you…” he begged and Shane laughed mischievously.

Shane straddled him gently enjoying the sensation of Jamin stretching him up  as he lowered himself for a kiss, moaning in pleasure as Jamin thrusted his hips in circles very slowly as a response.

“FUCK” Shane muttered collapsing over him and laughing, breathing into his mouth and Jamin seemed a little suffocated with Shane’s weight over him. The floor wasn’t helping at all.

“Sorry!” Shane noticed relieving a bit of the weight removing himself a bit up giggling, cupping Jamin’s face.

“Don’t worry, my fat ass is absorbing the impact” he whispered with the voice coming out a little bit strangled and they both laughed as Shane begin slowly riding him.

Their playful expressions were languidly replaced by pleasure and heat. Shane’s pale skin was completely red and his knees were sore for scratching the floor, Jamin grunting with eyes closed as Shane moaned inside his mouth.

Jamin was really close but he managed to stop Shane’s moves, indicating that he wanted to change position.

“Lay on your back” he asked panting, Shane that was all flustered and heavy breathing took a few seconds to obey him.

Shane removed himself and laid on his back, relaxing his back and muscles, feeling like a puddle. Jamin sat by his side, almost kneeled as if he was going to give him a massage.

He kissed Shane cradling his face, planting small kisses on his cheek and the hollow of his eyes.

“We need to be in one piece for the numbers” Jamin whispered in his mouth as one of his hands reached for Shane’s cock and started rubbing.

Shane reached for Jamin’s putting him in his mouth as Jamin’s hand lowered his hand, one finger slipping inside. He could feel the humming vibration of Shane’s throat as he worked the middle finger deeper on him.

Shane couldn’t even focus anymore and just laid on his back waiting for the orgasm to hit as he stroke his own cock with Jamin fastening the pace, murmuring and nodding for him to not stop. He had his eyes wide shut, the mouth dropped open, the veins on his neck popping out as he ached his back and Jamin intensified his pace.  

He emptied himself on his own stomach, one hand holding Jamin’s wrist pushing the finger deeper, still smasping, the legs wide open and knees bent. Then Shane removed removed his finger and closed his legs, Jamin was looking down at him satisfied, and kissed his chest, cleaning Shane with his own tank top. Shane searched for his cock still with eyes closed to finish him off, his legs still week from the orgasm.

Shane was very skillful and he knew exactly what Jamin liked, working on the tip of his sock holding the base with a firm grip. He didn’t last long and Shane won’t  let any drop of him goes to waste, as Jamin fingers buried inside his dreads, whispering sweet nothings.

They both collapsed on the floor, completely exhausted. They could hear Bob’s usual Celine Dion playing from the other room.

“Ouch!” Shane protested removing a brush from behind his back and laughing. Jamin was still panting with eyes closed. Shane laid on his chest, kissing his nipple, the hollow of his neck and the inside of his forearm, where the doll- octopus tattoo was resting.

“That was fucking amazing…” he whispered in his ear before standing up, Jamin widely smiled and kissed him back.

Shane was the first one standing up and he checked himself in the mirror, his knees all red and busted. The hair a mess of dreads going wild. His lips swollen and his t-shirt all stained.

“God, I look disgusting. We have 40 minutes to be ready”

“I’m so glad I have that romper” Jamin finally said something standing up.

They wore comfortable clothes for the meet and greet. Bob was outraged talking to them like a worried mother, saying how he had to put Celine Dion in the highest volume since the two whores won’t stop making noises.

*

**One month later**

“What’s going on? You fucking scared me on the phone, girl”

Bob met Jamin alone in a booth of the bar, just with three beers as a date. Jamin looked more exhausted than drunk.

“Shane’s missing, he just left and didn’t say anything. I asked Alvy if he knew where was him, and he thinks he’s with his folks I just…”

He rubbed his forehead and shook his head.

“But what the fuck happened?”

“The voices” he answered vaguely. “He spent the whole month talking to these possible investors, to get the Thorchestra some financial support just for starters. And it didn’t work out. And all the paper work with the local musician’s unions of the cities. He had this project off this short tour, involving three cities, and he got overwhelmed it wasn’t working out, I don’t know”

He stared outside through the glass, the fog making the cars looking like hidden monsters.

“So Thorgy being Thorgy”

“He completely shut me off the two last weeks. It’s ridiculous. He didn’t want to do anything. But he doesn’t want any help either. I know he wants to be alone, and I respect that, because I’m a loner too. But I can’t get him out of this state…I swear, ugh, he annoys the fuck out of me”

Bob laughed in sympathy with his friend.

“Jamin, Thorgy is fine. He wouldn’t hurt himself. He just needs to adjust the engines of that crazy head of his”

“I know that. But how can he just leave without saying anything, who does that? It’s been a day and he haven’t even checked his phone. Well, no news here”

He was shaking his head annoyed sipping on his beer.

“What did Ragga say?”

“Ragga is pissed too, but she shares the same opinion. That I just have to be patient that he will come back” and the finished the whole bottle.

“You know, for some people, it takes a little longer to understand that they are loved. Thorgy still thinks nobody cares for him, that he would lose a Brooklyn white person with dreadlocks challenge…”

Jamin finally smiled, but his heart wasn’t at peace.

“He is fine…”  Bob reassured squeezing Jamin’s forearm.

*

The next day he woke up with his bed still empty. He sat on the bed and observed their two personalized candles that were gifts from a fan on the nightstand. Thorgy’s smiling face mocking him. He put his glasses on that were next to them and checked his phone one more time. Still no sign from him.

He dragged himself to the bathroom to wash his face, his limbs still sleepy.

Then he headed to the kitchen, only to find Shane there sitting at the table all set for a cinematographic breakfast. Jamin stood there, still trying to figure out what emotion he was feeling, trying to find the words he gathered for long and that went missing.

After the longest seconds, the words finally come out, “Did you cook this?” he asked furrowing his brow in disbelief.

Shane was unarmed by his unexpected reaction. There was a jar of juice, donuts and waffles. Fresh made scrambled eggs and a jam pot.

“ I bought everything but the jam”, Shane started shyly rubbing his forehead. “My father made that jam. I told him I have a boyfriend now.”

He stopped to investigate Jamin’s reaction that just nodded.

“Um, he-he was surprised that it was you because he thought we hated each other because of the the show”

Shane laughed exasperated, but Jamin continued not offering any kind o response.

“So, you were at your folks” Jamin assumed closing his arms in front of his chest leaning on the counter.

“I was. Look Jamin, I-I I’m sorry. I just needed to leave the city for a bit. These fucking weeks worn me out and I didn’t want you to see how crazy I can get.”

“Shane, the Thorchestra will happen one day. You will fulfill your dream, and just because it’s not happening now it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You don’t need to shut down people because you’re feeling sad or anxious. And you don’t answer your fucking phone, I think you deliberately try to make me crazy. To test me”

“I swear I’m not testing you, I just, when I’m on a crisis I can’t even think properly, it’s almost like an outside body experience. And then last night I sorta snapped out of it. And it sucks that it hurts you. I know that I have to understand that you love me, even when I don’t love myself very much. That I can’t just disappear anymore”

“No, you can’t” Jamin just replied in a demanding tone.

Then he approached him slowly and cupped his face for a kiss. He could feel Shane loosening up in his embrace and the tears rolling down his face making their kiss salty. Shane wiped them quickly.

“Sorry…I’m just relieved to fucking breath again” he replied laughing and wiping the other tears that kept bursting up.

Jamin sat to eat and Shane went along grabbing a donut. He was hungry, as he finally could feel the taste of food again.

He didn’t need to face the darkness alone, said one of the many voices inside his head. This voice was a good one. This one could echo forever.


End file.
